THE NEW ABCs A is for apple, and B is for Boat, that used to be right, but now it won't float. Age before beauty is what we once said, but let's be a bit more realistic instead. Now, A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac. D is for dental decay and decline; E is for eyesight, can't read that top line. F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention. H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend. K is for knees that crack when they bend. L for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget! what comes next? N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow! P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new. Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R for reflux, one meal turns to two. S for sleepless nights, counting my fears. T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears. U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going round? X is for X-ray, and what might be found. Y is another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind. I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!!